It's a woman thing, or Urgh! Men! FINISHED!
by spacemonkeylover
Summary: SG1 takes SG10 to a newly discovered planet, the men have a lot of fun-the women want to seek revenge! JackSam Daneilother eventually. FINISHED!
1. Welcome back

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or the characters etc...  
  
Author's note: Women are much better than men; deal with it! PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
Imprinted in their mind at birth, or it's a woman thing!, or Urgh! Men!  
  
Welcome back!  
  
The huge stone ring located in the bottom of Cheyenne Mountain Complex whooshed into life; the titanium iris swirled closed, and armed SF's swarmed into the gate room.  
  
"Receiving SG1 idc Sir."  
  
"Open the iris."  
  
The metal cover swirled open to reveal the blue shimmering puddle. Teal'c and Daniel stepped through and walked down the ramp.  
  
"How was you're mission Dr. Jackson?" Asked the General entering the room.  
  
"Very interesting General." The archaeologist smiled.  
  
"Indeed." Agreed his teammate, wait a minute, was that a hint of a smile on the Jaffa's ever expressionless face? I think it was.  
  
The male members of the new SG10 and Colonel O'Neill walked through the 'gate next, all four were grinning like the Cheshire cat.  
  
"Welcome back! Colonel, have fun?"  
  
"Oh, you could say that. Brilliant planet, highly recommend going back Sir."  
  
"We debrief in one hour, where are Major Carter and Lieutenant Cooper?"  
  
"They're coming General, don't worry." Jack smirked.  
  
Two seconds later, Major Samantha Carter and Lieutenant Felicity Cooper emerged from the event horizon. Neither of the officers were wearing the standard off-world BDU's, instead they wore what could best be described as belly dancer's clothes.  
  
Sam was wearing a pink bra top and matching hipster trousers with purple trimmings, Felicity was wearing the same but in baby blue.  
  
The pair stalked down the ramp and across the room to the door, leaving the men in the room staring after them.  
  
"Major, Lieutenant?"  
  
"Infirmary." They stated grumpily and carried on out of the door.  
  
"Colonel, I think you will be feeling the effects of Doctor Fraiser's needles for days to come."  
  
"I am well aware of that, it's worth it. Just wait till you see Danny's video." He grinned and walked out of the room to shower followed by the rest of his team and SG10.  
  
Hammond walked back up to the control room. "This should be an interesting debriefing." He said to the Chevron-guy.  
  
"Yes Sir."  
  
---------------------------------- 


	2. Marks and needles

Marks and needles.  
  
Major Carter and Lieutenant Cooper glared at every man they passed on the way to have their post mission physical.  
  
As soon as they entered the infirmary Janet Fraiser rushed over to them and smiled.  
  
"So it's the big needles for the men today then?" She asked leading the women to two empty beds.  
  
"Urgh!"  
  
"Men!" The two belly-dancing officers said at the same time.  
  
"So what happened this time?"  
  
"The planet we went to, the women were treated as sex objects." Sam said in utter disbelief.  
  
"I swear if I hear another wolf whistle or 'funny' remark I will kill the man involved!" Felicity thumped the bed.  
  
"Hey, what happened here?" Janet asked grabbing the younger woman's hand that was wrapped in what looked like Daniel's bandana.  
  
"They mark their women by cutting symbols into their hands. If the woman hasn't got a mark on her hand she is free to be claimed by anyone, so one of the sick, perverted old men cut my hand. Teal'c stopped him before he finished so it kind of looks weird."  
  
"Let me have a look." The doctor unwrapped her hand and wiped it with a cloth. The cut looked like a long /s/ with a line coming off it. "What about you Sam?"  
  
"Oh, Colonel O'Neill had a pen and drew on my hand before they could see it." She said showing her friend.  
  
"So you belong to the Colonel now?" She joked. Sam scowled.  
  
"Anyway, Flick's Daniel's."  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Because the guy hadn't finished his mark Daniel said that the mark he had drawn was his so no one else could claim her."  
  
Janet raised her eyebrows. "Guess you both won with that one then."  
  
"Janet!" They cried.  
  
"I take it something else happened as well as all that?"  
  
"They made us wear stupid clothes." Felicity looked down at the jingly bits attached to her top.  
  
"We had to dance and they got us drunk in the evening."  
  
"Drunk? Do you remember what happened?"  
  
"No, they won't tell us."  
  
"Okay, I want to take pregnancy tests for both of you and check the alcohol levels in your blood, then you are free to go."  
  
"Can I have an aspirin or three?"  
  
"One aspirin, you want one Sam?"  
  
"Please."  
  
--------  
  
Just as Janet had finished the tests on the two women the rest of their teams walked in. The Doctor winked at Sam and Flick, and proceeded to pull out six of her biggest needles from a draw.  
  
Sam and Flick walked past the men totally ignoring them to get to the showers and a decent pair of clothes, much to their disappointment.  
  
"Hello Gentlemen." She smiled sweetly. "Who will be the first victim for the new med student?"  
  
"I do not need an examination Doctor Fraiser, my symbiote is sustaining my health."  
  
"I still need to check Teal'c, you won't have the injections though."  
  
The tall Jaffa bowed his head and proceeded to sit on a vacant bed. The rest of the men were pushing each other forward like little children, that is until the good doctor grabbed Jack and pulled him over to another bed. 


	3. Debriefing

Wow, I can't believe so many of you have reviewed the story so far. Thanks a lot. Anywho, here's the next instalment, it's a bit longer so stay with it... Keep reviewing!  
  
~~ Signifies flashback.  
  
The debriefing.  
  
Sam and Felicity were washed and changed and on their way to the briefing room when Janet found them.  
  
"Hey Janet!" Sam smiled.  
  
"I think I know what happened." Janet panted from running after them.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"On the planet."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"How did you manage that?" Asked Flick.  
  
"Well, lets just say that Colonel O'Neill and Daniel won't be sitting down for long in the briefing." She grinned evilly. "Daniel knows at least five different swear words from every language he knows, and the Colonel, well he's worse than a sailor!"  
  
"Wow, so what did they say?"  
  
"Something about the Macarena, the Cha cha slide and other party songs, apparently you two tried to teach the locals all the cheesy songs you knew dances to. The YMCA, the Birdie song, the list goes on, they got a lot of it on tape."  
  
"They taped us!"  
  
"Could this get any worse?"  
  
"You still have glitter in your hair."  
  
"It won't come out."  
  
"Well, I'll let you get to your debriefing, I'll be along when I have the test results."  
  
"Kay, see you Janet." They waved after her.  
  
The pair turned to face each other and sighed.  
  
"I can't believe we did that." Sam moaned.  
  
"We have to think of someway to get back at them."  
  
"Come on we're late, they'll already be laughing at us." They walked down the corridor.  
  
-----------------------  
  
"Glad you could make it Major, Lieutenant." Hammond said as the two girls entered and took their seats muttering apologies. "So let's get started, Colonel?"  
  
"Yes Sir, well we got to the planet and there were trees...  
  
~~ "Ah, trees, trees and more trees!"  
  
"Jack, you have to have trees to have life."  
  
"Not on those planets that the Tok'ra so love, no trees insight."  
  
"They would have some kind of plant life."  
  
"Daniel, I know okay?"  
  
"O'Neill, there appears to be no one in the vicinity." Teal'c said finishing his scan of the area.  
  
"Good, Major Walter's lead the way." He motioned for the leader of SG10 to take point. "Teal'c, you bring up the rear."  
  
After about two miles they came to a village.  
  
"This is amazing, the architecture is Victorian but the people are dressed in Arabian clothes." Said SG10's anthropologist Dr Patrick Benedict.  
  
"It's just the women, the men are in trousers and shirts." Daniel scratched his head. "This is an amazing find."  
  
"Stow it Danny Boy, you think you can talk to them?"  
  
"I'll try." He walked up to one of the men who was coming towards them. "I'm Daniel Jackson, we are peaceful travellers from the planet Earth."  
  
"Greetings Dr Jackson of Earth. I am Akili of Arabia. Welcome!"  
  
"Thank you." ~~  
  
"So anyway, this guy Akili seemed alright, a bit old and senile but a nice guy. That is until Daniel introduced everyone...  
  
~~ "This is major Samantha Carter, Lieutenant Felicity Cooper..."  
  
"They are women!" The old man sounded shocked.  
  
"Uh, yeah." Said Jack.  
  
"They are not marked!" He grabbed Felicity's left hand and drew out his knife.  
  
"Hey! Leave me alone!" She tried to struggle free of his grip.  
  
The old man used his knife to cut a mark into her palm. Teal'c managed to grab the man's hand and steer it away from Felicity, he held him in a death like grip until he dropped the knife.  
  
"What was that?" Asked Daniel wrapping his bandana around the bleeding hand.  
  
"They are not marked, a man is free to claim the woman if there is no mark. These are your women?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then I am sorry, they will be taken if you do not mark them."  
  
"In our culture we don't own our women, they are free to marry who they want."  
  
"Unfortunately we do not have that here, they are not safe without marks."  
  
"No one is cutting into my hand!" Sam cried.  
  
"Or finishing this one!" Flick joined in.  
  
"Hush women, you should not speak out like that, it is dangerous."  
  
"Major, give me your hand." Jack said.  
  
"Don't you dare!"  
  
"I have a pen." He held up the permanent red marker.  
  
"Fine!" She gave him her hand and let him draw a funny shape on it. "Sir, that looks a lot like Homer Simpson."  
  
"Least I'll know you're mine." He smiled as she glared at him.  
  
"Jack I don't think it's a good idea to use ink on this cut." Daniel said.  
  
"Daniel Jackson, is this not your sign?" Teal'c hinted.  
  
"Uh...well, uh, yes it is." ~~  
  
"So Daniel claimed Cooper, and I claimed Carter. Akili said that the girls would have to change their clothes if they wanted to go further into the village. Of course they said that they would go back to the Stargate, but the old man said that a group of men without at least two women would be looked down on and people would avoid them."  
  
"Basically they would have thought they were gay Sir." Sam said. "Of course, as men they didn't want to be seen as gay so they dragged us along."  
  
"Well people in that era would have seen it as a mental illness." Daniel defended the men.  
  
"So Major Carter and Lieutenant Cooper changed into the clothes they arrived home wearing?"  
  
"Yes Sir, they were not happy..."  
  
~~ "We're not coming out!" Sam shouted through the door.  
  
"Major get your butt out here now!" Jack shouted back.  
  
"Look Sam, Flick, we won't laugh it's just for one day okay?"  
  
"No!" Two voices shouted back.  
  
"Fine! Teal'c bash this door down."  
  
"Okay, we'll come out."  
  
The door opened slowly and the two women walked out dressed in the belly dancing gear. The men's jaws hit the ground (Not literally!) including Teal'c.  
  
"Wow, you look...wow."  
  
"If you stand like that long enough the wind will change and you'll get stuck that way." Felicity said folding her arms across her chest.  
  
"Are we going or not?" Sam asked.  
  
"What? Oh, yeahsureyabetcha." Jack looked away from the girls and turned to the man. "Okay Akili, show us around."  
  
Unluckily for the men, the women walked behind them. Every now and then one of them would turn to look at the girls to 'check they were still there'; this was mainly Jack and Daniel.  
  
"Your women are very beautiful!"  
  
"Yes, yes they are."  
  
Sam and Felicity were getting tired of the looks they were getting from the men of the village and decided to move towards the centre of their teams.  
  
"What's up girls?" Asked Jack.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Those men keep staring."  
  
"Can you blame them?" He asked putting an arm around Sam's waist. "Play along."  
  
Daniel noticed this and did the same to Flick who scowled at first but seemed to relax into Daniel after a few minutes. ~~  
  
----- To be continued... 


	4. Debriefing part 2some naughty words

Here's another part to my tale, don't worry Sam and Felicity will have their revenge-just not yet. Remember girls, we rule!!  
  
Debriefing part 2.  
  
"So Akili showed us around and invited us to a part in the evening which we accepted. It took place in a tavern; it was pretty full...  
  
~~ The tavern was filled with people, the men were talking and laughing with friends while the women sat next to their men.  
  
SG1 and 10 were crammed around to tables put together.  
  
"Do you want some drinks?"  
  
"Uh, nothing alcoholic." Jack said well aware that if they all got drunk it could only end in disaster or giving Daniel so many wedgies he would be in the infirmary for at least a week, he didn't want that happening again!  
  
"Very well." Akili walked over to the bar area and ordered some drinks. "They are on their way."  
  
The waiter brought the drinks over on a large tray; there were seven empty glasses and one jug full of some kind of drink. There were also two more glasses with an orange coloured drink in them, which were placed in front of the two women.  
  
Sam and Flick looked at their drinks, then at each other, then at 'their men'.  
  
"Um, Akili, what exactly are the girls drinking?"  
  
"They are slightly alcoholic drinks that won't make them drunk, just relaxed or maybe energetic, Daniel Jackson."  
  
The men around the table spluttered their drinks everywhere.  
  
"You mean that they...um..."  
  
"They help the women focus on their men." Teal'c said carefully.  
  
"Tipsy, I was going to say tipsy."  
  
"Well that's one way of putting it." Sam said sliding her drink over to the far side of the table.  
  
"It smells like alco-pops." Flick sniffed it. "Orange alco-pops." She took a sip. "Okay, spiked, orange alco-pops." She shoved her glass next to Sam's.  
  
"What is a spiked drink?" Teal'c asked.  
  
"When someone puts drugs in your drink T."  
  
"I see."  
  
"There are no drugs in the drink, just alcohol and oranges."  
  
"So, what's your drink like?"  
  
"It tastes like cheep beer." Jack said.  
  
"There is defiantly alcohol in this." Said Daniel.  
  
"There is very little." Akili said and the men accepted this thinking they could handle their a little bit of alcohol. ~~  
  
"The rest of that night we have on video Sir. It gets wobblier as the night gets on though."  
  
"Fine, Dr Jackson. Put the video in."  
  
Someone turned out the lights and Daniel put the video in the player. The screen came to life and the picture zoomed in to the girls sulking in the corner.  
  
"I'm thirsty." Flick said to Sam.  
  
"Me too. Oh what the hell!" She grabbed her discarded glass and downed the drink. Felicity followed suite.  
  
"I thought you weren't going to drink that stuff." Daniel's voice could be heard off camera.  
  
"Like you gave us any choice." She reached for Jack's glass of cheep beer and took a gulp.  
  
"Defiantly corner shop beer."  
  
"Hey that was mine! She drank my drink."  
  
"Go get another one." Sam sighed. "Come on Flick, we are dancing."  
  
"Sure. Don't wait up." She blew a kiss at the camera before being dragged off by Sam.  
  
The camera followed their path and stayed focused on them for the rest of the night.  
  
"Hey Akili, could you get us another jug of this stuff and two more of those things you gave the girls?"  
  
"I will get them for you."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Colonel?" Walter's voice could be heard sounding quite slurred.  
  
"Yes Major?" Jack's equally slurred.  
  
"How do they do that? Women I mean. How come they can dance so good and you know..."  
  
"Sexily?"  
  
"Yeah, they don't even seem to know what they do to men, how they make them feel."  
  
"You see it's a woman thing. Sometimes they know they're doing it so they carry on just to torture us, other times they don't know they have that effect and are just having fun."  
  
"Yeah," Daniel joined in. "It's imprinted in their minds at birth, you must torture men by being so sexy and pretend you have no idea what effect you have on them. Bitches!"  
  
"Sexy bitches though."  
  
"Oh yeah, no question about that."  
  
The video was showing the two female members of the SGC swaying to the music coming from the band. The band stopped playing and they walked back to the tables. They grabbed their new drinks and downed them.  
  
"Hey what's up?" Flick asked the camera, or Daniel behind the camera.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Good." She took the camera from him and focused it on the archaeologist. "Dr. Daniel Jackson, linguist extraordinaire, dance with me?" She pleaded.  
  
"I don't know if I..." he didn't have chance to finish because she had grabbed him by the colour and dragged him to the dance floor throwing the camera to Sam who caught it and aimed the camera at the dancing pair.  
  
"I didn't know she had the hots for Danny." Jack said.  
  
"Who said she likes Daniel? She could just be having a laugh, you will never know." Sam finished with a hiccup.  
  
"How much have you had to drink Major?"  
  
"Not a lot." She panned the camera around to look Jack in the face. "I could do with another one."  
  
"No more." He said sternly.  
  
"Awww, come on Jack, just one more. Please?" The camera got closer to Jack as Sam crawled towards him.  
  
"Okay, one more, just one."  
  
"Yey, thank you." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
The camera cut off and came back to see Sam and Flick teaching the men from the planet and the rest of SG10 and Teal'c how to do the 'Macarena'. Giggling in the background showed how drunk the Jack and Daniel actually were.  
  
It cut off and showed them doing the 'Time warp', it cut off again and showed them doing 'The hand jive' from Grease, then the 'Ketchup song', the 'YMCA' and the 'Cha cha slide'. This happened several times doing different dances until it got to one where the male members of SG10 were playing the bands instruments and Jack and Sam, Daniel and Flick were slow dancing to 'My heart will go on', fortunately for them no one was singing.  
  
Daniel stopped the tape as the screen went fuzzy and someone turned on the lights. All people in the room with the exception of Hammond and Teal'c had gone red.  
  
"Well that was interesting." Hammond said with a straight face, he waved his hand at the door and Dr. Fraiser walked in carrying some files. "I trust you saw that Doctor."  
  
"Yes Sir." She smiled at Sam and Flick who, if possible, sank even lower into their seats.  
  
"Do you have the tests results?"  
  
"Yes Sir, it appears that Major Carter and Lieutenant Cooper's drinks were very alcoholic and they still have traces in their systems, other than hangovers they are fine. The rest of you weren't nearly as drunk, which leaves the question; why did you let your team mates get to that state?"  
  
"Colonel, can you answer Dr Fraiser's question?"  
  
"Uh, well...you see Sir..."  
  
"I'll take that as a no then."  
  
"We were under the influence Sir."  
  
"You got yourselves into that state."  
  
"The beer, or whatever was very addictive, I had only planned on one glass."  
  
"Doctor, is this feasible?"  
  
"Well General, it is possible. The Major and Lieutenant were gone after the first drink so who knows how much alcohol was involved in either case? Akili obviously lied."  
  
"Agreed, Dr Jackson, Dr Benedict, did you find anything interesting on the second day that could be important?"  
  
"No Sir, other than the fact that the Goa'uld had left centuries ago after giving the Arabians the idea for Victorian architecture there wasn't anything else."  
  
"Okay, dismissed for the moment, I would like to see you about this incident further at a later date. Mention this to no one." Hammond warned and walked out of the room.  
  
"Oh well, hey girl's want to come for a beer tonight?" Jack grinned.  
  
Sam and Flick got up and stalked out of the room. "You coming Janet?"  
  
"Sure." She glared at the men for a moment. "You do realise that revenge is sweet and that you've just pissed off the most evil minded women on base?"  
  
"I'm not getting all of my memos!" Jack sighed as Janet walked out. "We have to make this up to them."  
  
"How, they can't even remember last night and now we've shown the General. We are dead." Daniel whined.  
  
"Indeed, you are."  
  
"What do you mean 'you'?"  
  
"SG10 and myself have done nothing wrong, it is you DanielJackson and O'Neill that took advantage of the position."  
  
"We might have, but they are going to take it out on everyone! They're women!"  
  
"Yeah, ever wonder why Apophis never used women Jaffa? Too evil!"  
  
"That is correct, we are all doomed."  
  
------------- Duh duh duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh..................  
  
To be continued. Please review!!!!! I'm on my knees here and I have bad knees. OMG I'm old. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Scheming

Thank you my loyal fans lol! Please keep reviewing-I love you all.  
  
Scheming.  
  
"So what have you guys come up with to get revenge?" Janet asked as the three women sat in the commissary.  
  
"I've had a few ideas but they all seem to involve them being tied to a chair." Felicity said.  
  
"That's just your fantasy, how is that revenge?" Sam asked.  
  
"We could wax their legs, dress them in stockings and suspenders and post the photo's on the SGC net." She smirked.  
  
"Sounds fun, how would we get them to sit in the chairs?"  
  
"Now that could be a problem, Daniel wouldn't be because he won't see it coming," Janet thought out loud. "Jack on the other hand would smell it a mile off."  
  
"Yes, but we want to get back at all the men in our teams." Sam said.  
  
"Well I have to get back to my patients, but I'll keep thinking. I could ask my nurses." Janet finished her coffee and stood up.  
  
"Yeah, I have to get back to my lab and delete the co-ordinates for that planet. See you guys." Sam left behind Janet leaving Felicity on her own.  
  
The young Lieutenant stayed in the commissary finishing her coffee when SG3 walked in.  
  
"Hey Felicity!" One of the marines jeered. "Nice outfit from earlier."  
  
"Thanks, it's in the drycleaners, I got blood on it from when I decapitated the last man to comment on it." She got up and was forced back into the chair by the burly marine.  
  
"Hey!" SG1 and 10 had entered the room and were watching what was happening. "Anything the matter Lieutenant?"  
  
"No Sir, I was just telling these jerks where to shove it!" She got up and stalked off to find Sam.  
  
"Never pick on someone on your own side." Jack warned SG3. "Especially when her and her friends are on a 'I hate men' campaign!"  
  
"Yes Sir!" They replied starting to get a bit nervous, hey women are evil! They walked away to get some food.  
  
"Sir?" Craig, one of SG10 asked. "Do you think it could be a 'that time of the month' thing?"  
  
"I don't know. I think it's just a woman thing."  
  
"Yeah, I wouldn't ask them." Daniel added.  
  
-------------  
  
"Hey Flick, what's up?" Sam was leaning over a new alien device one of the teams had bought back as the young woman walked in.  
  
"Marines, Colonel O'Neill, men in general really." She sighed and sat on the workbench.  
  
"Oh, Janet said she wants to see you later to redress your cut."  
  
"Okay, I think I have an idea."  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Well, I thought rather than making things obvious we could do small things to the guys, that's what really bugs men."  
  
"Sounds like a plan. So they wouldn't know it was us?"  
  
"No, they'd still be worried that we were going to do something, well we are they just don't know it's us."  
  
"We should talk to Janet." Sam put the device on a shelf and took off her goggles. "Come on."  
  
The girls walked out of the lab and towards the lift (elevator). Daniel and Teal'c were in the lift (elevator) when the two got on. They stood in silence until they reached the floor with the infirmary on it. They all got out and went their separate ways.  
  
"Hey ladies." They heard as they entered Janet's domain.  
  
"Hey Jan, come about the cut and the special project."  
  
"We really need to think of a name!" Sam laughed.  
  
While Janet changed the dressing on Felicity's hand they explained their plan to the Doctor.  
  
"I'll get the stuff if Sam can fix the thing, and you can do the you know."  
  
"Deal." The trio grinned at each other.  
  
"We are so evil!"  
  
-----------------  
  
The next day Daniel came into work early to finish translating a tablet that SG2 found off world. He turned the corner to his office and unlocked his door, he opened it and turned the lights on and was very surprised at what he saw......  
  
Cue the Eastenders theme tune. Ooohhh a cliff hanger... Don't worry I'll post more soon. 


	6. Revenge is sweet

Previously on Stargate SG1...  
  
The next day Daniel came into work early to finish translating a tablet that SG2 found off world. He turned the corner to his office and unlocked his door, he opened it and turned the lights on and was very surprised at what he saw......  
  
And now the conclusion...(or next part at least!)  
  
Revenge is sweet.  
  
"What the...?" Daniel started to say, looking at his desk where there was a big red card and a box of chocolates sitting on it.  
  
Curious to see where they had come from he walked over to the card and read it...  
  
Dear Daniel, It read.  
  
I'm sorry for what I have done and want to make it right again. If you agree, meet me in the room 3 on sub-level 27 at 6 this evening.  
  
Thinking of how the person, presumably Felicity (well he hoped it was her), had gotten into his office without a key he opened the chocolates and stared munching. The only other person with a key would be Siler.  
  
"Okay, find Siler and get the answers." He said to himself and walked out of his office. "Translations be screwed!"  
  
Twenty minutes later he found the man he was looking for fixing the light bulb in Jack's office.  
  
"Yeah, I just walked in, turned on the light and it blew up on me."  
  
"Sir, the filament burnt itself out." Siler was trying his best not to get on Colonel O'Neill's nerves by telling him that it was a regular occurrence and he was in no danger what so ever.  
  
"Hey Daniel!"  
  
"Hey Jack, uh, Siler, you got a minute?"  
  
"Sure Dr. Jackson." The man climbed down the ladder and followed Daniel outside.  
  
"Hey, you never come and just talk to me anymore!" Jack yelled after them.  
  
"Anyway, did you let anyone into my office last night or see anyone go in?"  
  
"No, I wasn't around last night, maybe you could bribe the security camera guys to let you have a look at your camera." He suggested.  
  
"Yeah, I'll do that, thanks Siler."  
  
"No problem." The engineer went back to replacing the Colonel's light bulb.  
  
"When was this light bulb last changed Sir?"  
  
"About a week ago."  
  
"Funny, it shouldn't have burnt out so quickly."  
  
"Knowing my luck it was my lovely 2IC playing around with it." He said sarcastically.  
  
"It could have been Sir, I would never trust any of the women on this base when they are angry."  
  
"Great!" Jack muttered.  
  
------------------  
  
While Daniel was checking the security cameras and finding that that whole section had a malfunction last night, all he got was a fuzzy screen, Felicity had come into work to find a similar card and chocolates to the one Daniel had found.  
  
"Hey Janet, Sam." She smiled as she walked into the infirmary.  
  
"Hello, what's up?"  
  
The youngest handed the card to the others and started to munch on her choices.  
  
"Well, are you going to meet him?" Sam asked.  
  
"Maybe. But it could just be a way of getting out of trouble with us, he wouldn't want something to go wrong with any of his work now, would he?"  
  
"No, I think you should go and see what he wants."  
  
"Meanwhile, Siler has told me that Colonel O'Neill has had a nasty burn." Janet grinned. "Apparently he was drinking his coffee when the light 'exploded' and scolded himself.  
  
"Hello ladies!" They heard the familiar cockiness of Jack's voice behind them.  
  
"Why hello Colonel, I see you decided to visit us today."  
  
"Just thought I'd pop by to say howdy and get my hand checked out. Same old same old."  
  
Sam and Felicity got up and walked out. "Bye Janet."  
  
"Bye girls, okay Colonel sit yourself down and I'll get the needles."  
  
"Needles? Why do you need needles?"  
  
"To inject an antibiotic into your hand to stop infection."  
  
"Oh, actually my hand feels fine, maybe ten minutes under a cold tap would work better."  
  
"Colonel." Janet warned.  
  
"Okay Doc, you win." He reluctantly sat down and let her see to his hand. "Um, you wouldn't happen to know if Sam's still mad at me, do you?"  
  
"She is, I think before this revenge thing gets out of hand you and the rest of SG1 and 10 should do something to get them back on your side."  
  
"So she did mess with my light?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"But she did didn't she?"  
  
"Come back and see me if it hurts too much, otherwise see you tomorrow to change the bandages." She pushed him out of the room.  
  
"Hey Doc! Answer my question!" he banged on the now locked door.  
  
"I can't hear you." The petite doctor replied laughing.  
  
-------------------------  
  
During the day several unfortunate events occurred involving the male members of SG1, 3 and 10. For instance...  
  
SG3 were due to embark on a relatively slow and easy mission off-world, they got to the gate room no problem and were about to step through the gate when their trousers came apart at the seams. They came to the conclusion that someone had cut them on purpose.  
  
SG10 were in the gym exercising and they couldn't seem to keep hold of the weights, their hands would slip off much to the amusement of the other teams watching. Later, they found that there was Vaseline on the equipment that they were known to use everyday.  
  
Teal'c was Kel'no'reeming in his quarters when all of his candles blew out and feathers filled the room, upon further investigation someone had put a fan and a bag of open feathers in the ventilation shaft above his room.  
  
Daniel had actually managed to start translating the tablet that SG2 had found. He had an itch, which grew until his whole body was itching he decided to jump in the shower but that only made it worse. He found an empty packet of itching powder in his bin which said water would increase the itching to 2x it's normal itchiness. He had to wait for half an hour until it wore off.  
  
Jack had not only found that his office light blew up on him, his light in his quarters and the one in his locker both went out and had to be changed. Also his yoyo and rubix cube had gone missing and all the games were wiped off his computer.  
  
"Carter!" His yell echoed down the corridors to Sam's office where the three perpetrators were giggling and eating Flick's chocolates.  
  
-----------------  
  
More to come...  
  
Thank you very much for your reviews and yes some of you (men) don't like it, but hey, it's a story for the girls! Keep 'em coming. 


	7. Pink hair and feather dusters

Hey guys! Thanks for all your reviews and ideas, I thought I'd incorporate some of them into this chapter so enjoy...  
  
Pink hair and feather dusters.  
  
"This has got to stop!" Cried Jack O'Neill running his hands through his short grey hair.  
  
SG1, 10 and 3, minus the women, were sitting around Daniel's office discussing the actions of certain members of the female staff.  
  
"We could tell Hammond." Suggested one of the Marines.  
  
"Nah, too easy. We need to get even. Like someone once said; two can play at this game."  
  
"Jack, that's what got us into this mess in the first place."  
  
"Look Danny, if we get them really bad then they'll stop."  
  
"I do not believe that would be wise O'Neill." Teal'c said while pulling a few stray feathers out of his uniform and quickly throwing them in the bin. "If we made it up to the women then they would be more likely to stop."  
  
"T, this is about revenge not apologising, I'm not getting down on my hands and knees and begging for forgiveness."  
  
"Well we can't exactly prove that it was the girls, so Hammond couldn't do anything. The surveillance cameras all go fuzzy during the pranks." Major Walters said.  
  
"True. So any ideas on what we could do to get revenge?"  
  
For the next half hour the men came up with their plan, the next hour they set up their own cameras to film the events and the next setting up the pranks.  
  
----------------  
  
Meanwhile in the surveillance room, Hammond was watching the petty actions of some of his best men.  
  
"Well Sergeant," He said to Siler. "It looks like things are getting a bit out of hand."  
  
"Yes Sir."  
  
"I think I'll leave them to it for a while and see what happens, if nothing comes of our plan by tomorrow then I will put a stop to it myself. Have you sent the stuff to their houses?"  
  
"Yes Sir, they will be ready for when they get off tonight."  
  
"Good work Siler." Hammond said leaving the room.  
  
"Thank you Sir." Siler said following him and letting the security guys back in.  
  
-----------------  
  
Major Carter walked into her lab ready to start a new project, something to do with converting the naquada generator into a jell-o making machine. She walked over to her filing cabinet and opened the top draw to get a plan she had made, when a cloud of flour engulfed her head.  
  
"I am going to kill them!" She said after coughing for at least a good ten minutes.  
  
She made her way to the showers and started to wash the flour out of her hair using the bottle of shampoo she found in her locker. Ten minutes later she steeped out of the shower now satisfied that all the flour was out, she looked in the mirror and dropped her shampoo bottle.  
  
"I can't believe it!" She spluttered. "They dyed my hair pink!"  
  
She hurriedly dried her self and got changed; grabbing a hat she sprinted to the infirmary in search of Janet and a different colour hair dye.  
  
"Sam, honey, why is your hair pink?" Janet said trying to suppress a giggle.  
  
"Hmm, let me think." She said sarcastically. "Who on Earth could possibly want to get back at me for something?"  
  
"Those men are so dead." She rummaged around in her draw trying to find something. "Here, take this."  
  
"Janet, it's brown."  
  
"Any colour is better than pink Sam."  
  
"True," Sam said taking the bottle. "Thanks Jan."  
  
"No problem, oh have you seen Flick recently?"  
  
"No why?"  
  
"She was supposed to have her cut looked at about twenty minutes ago, she never turned up."  
  
"That's weird, she's never that late. Oh well, if I see her I'll tell her to come and see you."  
  
"Bye." Janet called after her friend.  
  
--------------  
  
Felicity was on her way to see Janet when she was grabbed from behind; the capture was holding her arms to her side while putting another hand over her mouth. The tissue in his hand had a small amount of chloroform on it, making her collapse into the strong grip.  
  
She was dragged along the corridors and taken to a small, dark storage room that hardly anyone goes in. Once her captures had gotten her there, they tied her to a chair and waited for her to wake up.  
  
"She's waking up." Said one of the men as she moaned.  
  
"Hello Felicity."  
  
"Wha', who's tha', where am I?" She asked trying to focus on her surroundings.  
  
"It's only us, we just want to ask you a few questions."  
  
"Sorry, don't know what you're on about." She looked around the room, as she expected SG3, 10 and Colonel O'Neill were all there. "What? Teal'c and Daniel didn't want to grace me with their presence?"  
  
"Very funny Cooper." Jack smiled and walked closer. "We want to know what you plan on doing to us next."  
  
"Really?" More sarcasm. "Sorry that's classified."  
  
"We 'ave ways ov making you talk." He tried his best German accent.  
  
"You really need to work on that."  
  
"Look girl, you will answer our questions or you will pay."  
  
"Just one question first. Why me?"  
  
"Because you are the one who we could probably get the most out of." He admitted.  
  
"What, you don't like a challenge? How little you know me."  
  
"Aww, come on Flick, tell your Uncle Jack."  
  
"My Uncle Jack was a perv."  
  
"Stop changing the subject!"  
  
"Why should I tell you anything? You got yourselves into this mess; it's up to you to get yourselves out. And if you think that get even will work, you're wrong."  
  
"So you won't tell us?"  
  
"No way, you kidnapped me and tied me to a chair, you are only getting yourselves into more trouble."  
  
"Fine. Walters get the feather duster."  
  
"You wouldn't dare."  
  
"Oh, I would."  
  
"So that's why Teal'c isn't here, he's afraid of feathers!"  
  
"Well if you were meditating and you were attacked by them, you would be as well."  
  
--------------------  
  
To be continued... 


	8. Hair

Okay, so this chapter isn't all that funny but I'm running out of things to close the story with! Anywho, it's almost finished, a couple more chapters and I'm done-keep reviewing!  
  
Hair.  
  
Daniel walked past the storage room on sub-level 26 and heard screaming coming from inside. Slowly he opened the door and looked in.  
  
Felicity was tied to the chair and Jack was tickling her with a feather duster.  
  
"I won't tell you anything!" She screamed between her fits of giggles.  
  
"Jack!" Daniel cried opening the door all the way and walking in.  
  
"Daniel." The Colonel put down the tickling device and walked towards his friend. "You want something?"  
  
"I could hear you from two corridors away!"  
  
"Sorry, she screams loud."  
  
"Well I wouldn't scream if you didn't tie me to a chair and tickle me!"  
  
"Well, Janet's been found, they had to cut her hair to get her free of the bed. She's not very happy. Sam's hair is now pink and brown, apparently if you dye over permanent dye it doesn't work properly." Daniel sighed and walked over to Flick.  
  
"We can't get anything out of her." One of the marines said.  
  
"Leave her with me."  
  
"Okay boys, let's go and avoid the girls for the rest of the day." Jack said leading his men out of the room and closing the door behind him.  
  
"Hey Flick."  
  
"Hey, um, could you undo these please?"  
  
"No, I want to talk first."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Us." He knelt on the floor in front of her. "Look, I know we have been really childish but I'm sorry."  
  
"Yeah, me too. But on the planet, I mean you deserved what we did for that."  
  
"Okay, yeah, maybe a bit."  
  
"What did happen after the video cut out?"  
  
"You can't remember?"  
  
"Would I be asking if I could?"  
  
"Good point. Well, you and Sam were really drunk so we half carried you back to Akili's house. We put you on the two spare beds and we must have been gone by that point because we just fell asleep next to you."  
  
"So, I guess we shouldn't have been that cruel to you. Nothing happened?"  
  
"No, well not much." He grinned. "You kissed me, in the tavern. You dragged me out to dance and you kissed me."  
  
"Oh, did you mind?"  
  
"Are you kidding? I kept think is she doing this because she's drunk or because she actually likes me."  
  
"You are very insecure Daniel Jackson." She smiled at him. "Now untie me, unless you like it that way?"  
  
He smiled back and untied her feet then her hands; she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.  
  
"That answer your question?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" He smiled and kissed her back. "Thanks for the chocolates and the card by the way."  
  
"I didn't give you chocolates or a card, you sent me them."  
  
"I didn't. Okay, something is wrong here."  
  
"You don't say."  
  
"Well it's five to six now so should we go and find out who sent us the chocolates and the card?"  
  
"May as well." They left the room and went in search of room 3 on sub-level 27.  
  
-------------------  
  
Meanwhile Janet was leaving orders with one of her nurses to change the dressing on Felicity's hand if she decided to turn up because she had had enough and was going home.  
  
"Hey Jan, going home?" Sam jogged up behind her friend and getting into the lift (elevator).  
  
"Yes, look! My hair is uneven!"  
  
"Least it's not multicoloured!"  
  
"Sorry Sam."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm going into town tomorrow and having the dye stripped off. I'm going home now to sleep and think of something really rotten to get back at them."  
  
"Yeah, me too. Have you seen Flick?" The lift (elevator) opened and the women walked out.  
  
"No, not since this morning."  
  
"Oh, well. She's probably have gone home by now. See you in town tomorrow?"  
  
"Yep, bye." Sam said as they parted and walked to her car.  
  
---------------- 


	9. Kiss it better

Thank you to my loyal fans who have kept reviewing, what happened to the rest of you? You will review my story or I'll cry (! Or worse, send the fast food rockers to your house forever Mwahaha... If you don't know who the fast food rockers are then lucky you, they are the worst, cheesiest load of crap ever! Enjoy!  
  
Kiss it better.  
  
Daniel and Felicity slowly walked into the room mentioned in the cards they had received. The lights were off so when someone closed the door from behind and locked it they couldn't find the light switch.  
  
"Hey get off me!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"No on second thoughts, stay there."  
  
"Flick, you have one dirty mind."  
  
Crash.  
  
"Ow! I think I sat on something."  
  
"Hold on, the light switch should be here somewhere." Daniel said feeling the wall. "Ah ha!"  
  
The lights came on dimly creating a very romantic feel. There was a table in the centre of the room, set for two, candles and all. The far side of the table there was a bed.  
  
Daniel walked over to Flick and helped her up from the floor.  
  
"So whom do you think set this up?"  
  
"I dunno; there's a card here." She picked the card off the table and started to read it. "To Daniel and Felicity, We hope that you can settle your differences and enjoy the meal. The door will be unlocked for your waiters to deliver your food and clean away the empty plates. You will be let out at noon tomorrow. Signed General Hammond, Sergeant Siler, Jonas Quinn and Teal'c."  
  
"I didn't know Jonas was here."  
  
"Oh, he arrived this morning for something or other."  
  
They were interrupted by Jonas unlocking the door and bringing in the first coarse.  
  
"Jonas."  
  
"Daniel, Felicity. Enjoy your meal."  
  
"Thanks, why did yo..."  
  
"Sorry, you aren't supposed to talk to the help." The cheeky Kelownan grinned.  
  
"Huh."  
  
Jonas set down the plates and poured the wine then left the room locking the door behind him.  
  
"Cheers!" Flick said holding up her glass.  
  
"Cheers!"  
  
-----------------  
  
When Sam got home that night she found a bouquet of flowers on her table with a card attached.  
  
"Dear Sam," She read. "I am sorry for everything that has happened, please except my apology and come round for a friendly meal at seven to settle our differences. Huh, seven, I should probably go and see what he wants. I should really stop talking to myself."  
  
She turned on her heel and went to her room to get changed.  
  
----------------  
  
Jack arrived home at five to seven to find the lights on, he pulled out his gun and was ready to go around the back of the house when the door opened and Teal'c, followed by Siler opened the door.  
  
"What are you doing in my house?" He cried.  
  
"No time for questions Colonel, you have to go and change." Siler said.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"O'Neill, it is in your best interest to do as you are told."  
  
"Look Teal'c..." He didn't have time to finish when Teal'c slung him over his shoulder and took him upstairs. Dropping him on his bed, Teal'c proceeded to open and close all Jack's draws and cupboards searching for suitable clothes and threw them on to the bed.  
  
"Do you wish for me to dress you as well O'Neill?"  
  
"NO!" He cried and shoved Teal'c out of the room for some privacy.  
  
Sam knocked on the door and waited, she was wearing a blue dress and strapped shoes. Siler opened the door and ushered her in.  
  
"Siler, what..."  
  
"No ma'am, no questions. This way please." He led her into the dining room.  
  
Jack walked in a few minutes afterwards.  
  
"Sir, what's going on?"  
  
"No idea Major."  
  
Teal'c entered the room and offered Sam a chair nodding for Jack to do the same. He picked up the card from the table and handed it to Jack.  
  
"Dear Jack and Sam, Don't worry, Teal'c and Siler haven't taken leave of their senses. We hope that you can make amends tonight and forget your petty arguments. Enjoy the meal. Signed General Hammond, Sergeant Siler, Jonas Quinn and Teal'c."  
  
"Jonas is here?"  
  
"Hang on, there's a P.S. If you do not do whatever is necessary to regain each-others friendship then SG1 will have to be split up. I do not want to have to split up my flagship team, so you better sort it That doesn't sound like Hammond By the way, the President has read all of your mission reports and believes that you only get through them all because of your relationship, the frat. Regs. For the SGC have been abolished."  
  
"Well, I think that..." She was cut off by Jack kissing her; when they finally broke apart he said, "Don't think, just enjoy." She pulled him back to her and kissed him again.  
  
Teal'c and Siler in the kitchen had seen what had happened and were phoning the SGC.  
  
"Yes Sir, the mission was a success... Yes Sir, only five minutes...what about operation 2...before they arrived at the meal...Yes Sir, we owe Jonas $10...when we've cleared away the plates we'll come back to base...see you Sir."  
  
"I'm sorry Sam." Jack whispered in the other room.  
  
"I'm sorry too."  
  
"Your hair, will it..."  
  
"I'm going to the hairdressers tomorrow after lunch."  
  
"Good. Sorry about the permanent ink."  
  
"It'll come off eventually." Jack smiled and kissed her again.  
  
-----------------  
  
General Hammond walked up to the small house and knocked on the door.  
  
"Uncle George!" Cassie cried as she opened it.  
  
"Hey Cassie, is your Mom around?"  
  
"Sure, come in." She pulled him in and left him in the living room while she went to find Janet.  
  
"Hello General."  
  
"Doctor Fraiser, we need to talk." He sat down and motioned for her to do the same. "I understand that you, Major Carter and Lieutenant Cooper have been having a feud with some of the male personnel. It has to stop, I can't send them on missions if they won't behave like adults."  
  
"Sorry General, it's just..."  
  
"I know, but the others understand and are willing to stop, SG3 and SG10 will be advised to stop tomorrow when you are all on leave. I don't want to hear anymore on the matter, sorry about your hair." He got up and showed himself out.  
  
----------- 


	10. At the Salon

This is the last chapter, aww. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed the story on a whole and I would still love some reviews. Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience and good night!  
  
At the Salon.  
  
At one the following day Janet was seated in one of the chairs in the hairdressers explaining the pranks the guys and girls had been playing on each other.  
  
"So anyway, I fell asleep in my quarters, when I woke up my hair was tied to the bed post!"  
  
"Who cut your hair?"  
  
"One of the airmen on the base heard me screaming and came to see what was wrong, I was there for ten minutes trying to do it myself, but it's kind of hard without a pair of scissors."  
  
"So are you still mad at them?" The hairdresser asked as she combed through Janet's wet hair.  
  
"Not really, it was Sam and Flick's feud anyway, I was just helping."  
  
Janet was using the mirror to look out of the window, her favourite past time. She just so happened to be watching the passers-by when she saw a very familiar pair walking hand in hand towards the hairdressers. Smiling she finally understood what Hammond was on about, they were willing to stop their feud because they finally got together.  
  
The door opened and they walked in, Sam had a hat covering the pink roots and brown ends.  
  
"Hey Sam, Colonel!" Janet said watching the mirror.  
  
"Janet!"  
  
"Doc."  
  
"So, you two put aside your problems?"  
  
"You could say that." Sam smiled.  
  
"Lets just say we've found something a lot more enjoyable." Jack grinned.  
  
"Hey guys, have you seen Felicity?"  
  
"No, I bet her and Daniel had a whale of a time last night." Jack said sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting area.  
  
"Speaking of." Sam said looking out of the window at the new couple walking down the street arms around each other's waists and shoulders.  
  
"They look cosy."  
  
The door opened again and they walked in unaware of their friends watching them like hawks.  
  
"Hey Flick!" One of the assistants said.  
  
"Hey Tash, can I make an appointment for a trim?"  
  
"Sure, when you free? We have Thursday at 10am, 2pm, or Saturday at 1pm, 4.30."  
  
"Um, I think I'm free on Thursday at 2."  
  
"No your not." Said Janet. "I'm taking your stitches out then."  
  
Daniel and Felicity both spun around to see their friends grinning at them.  
  
"Hi guys, what are you doing here?" Flick asked.  
  
"Well, let me see, the darling men put pink dye in Sam's shampoo and tied my hair to the bed."  
  
"What did they do to you?" Sam asked.  
  
"I'm sure Colonel O'Neill can answer that better than me, it gets fuzzy after someone comes up behind me and Chloroforms me!"  
  
"You what?!" Janet yelled. "Why? Where did you get the chloroform?"  
  
"We kidnapped her and forced her to tell us everything, torture by feather duster. Don't worry, she didn't tell us anything." Jack said looking at the floor like a naughty schoolboy. "Your cabinet was unlocked so we borrowed a bit."  
  
"Men!"  
  
"Don't start that again!" Daniel said earning him an elbow in the ribs.  
  
"Fine, no more mentions of these events to anyone. Deal?"  
  
"Deal!" They all agreed.  
  
"So you two look happy." Jack pointed out.  
  
"We are." Daniel smiled. "Why exactly are you in a hair salon Jack?"  
  
"I, um, I'm with Sam."  
  
"Oh, Janet you owe me $20."  
  
"Damn, I thought you'd forget."  
  
"Never!" He laughed.  
  
Flick booked an appointment for the Saturday, and she and Daniel went to find lunch in town.  
  
They all lived happily ever after...or not; nothing ever goes smoothly on Stargate!  
  
THE END!!!  
  
If you want more stories with Felicity then you'll have to review this and tell me, otherwise I won't know! 


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